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The Little Secret Entrepreneurs Want To Take To Their Grave

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Hosted by
Simon Lovell

Featured on Forbes.com and Entrepreneur, Simon Lovell coaches and mentors top CEOS, entrepreneurs, and leaders on emotional intelligence, fulfillment, and happiness so they can reach the next level of impact. He is author of The Black Ball: Does Anybody Else Have A Secret & the host of Unshakeable Leaders Podcast.

His loving but NO BS approach and super strong accountability in his signature 6-week program The Super High-Performance Formula has been called 'profound' and 'life-changing'.

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A black ball launched itself out of my hands. I didn’t throw it. Everyone looked at the ball on the floor and I felt massive relief because I’d just let go of the thing I’d felt shame about and I never wanted to talk about.

Many people feel heavy and hold on to pain from events in the past and that can impact you living in the present moment. Holding onto the feelings of shame and embarrassment makes you feel heavy.

I struggled to find myself for a long time and I didn’t feel I was being true to myself. I spent years searching for the real me and I was so confused.

One Event Shifted My Life

I don’t think that any events are by coincidence. I think the universe is always presenting opportunities to evolve and it’s a choice whether you take them or not. The invitation to a party, a mentor that shows up at the right time, or the person that you have a conversation with.

Suddenly you get an opening to change, admit the truth, and take an opportunity. 

I suffered a lot with social anxiety so I decided to give improv classes a try. I became friends with someone from the class and I was invited to do some connection games with a group of people at his home.

That event has had such a massive impact on my life.

I loved the idea of connection games; networking events usually involve surface-level conversations, but connection games go deeper so everyone has the opportunity to connect. 

A safe, confidential environment was created and we began to play games to help everyone settle in. As the games moved on, a game called ‘anybody else?’ began. We all made a circle and took it in turns to stand in the middle to say something personal. Anybody else who felt the same way then stepped into the circle to support the person opening up. 

It was very powerful because it’s easy to think you’re the only person going through something. When other people admit they feel the same way it makes you realize you’re not alone. 

Courage Destroys Fear

It’s powerful supporting other people in their courage. Courage is very important when it comes to getting to the next level because it helps to destroy fear.

When you move into courage, you can leave fear behind and step into a new place of authentic power. 

A guy stepped into the circle and spoke about something I had also experienced. He asked the question ‘anyone else,’ but I noticed resistance. I couldn’t step in.

I was frustrated with myself for a couple of reasons. I had invested over $250,000 in personal development. I thought I was very self-aware. I also thought I had a lot of courage. 

When this man had the courage to admit his truth I couldn’t step in. Physically my body was not able to move. I couldn’t give him the gift of support and let him know I’d been through the same experience. I wanted to do that, but I couldn’t. 

My conscious mind wanted me to do something, but my subconscious was locking me to the floor. 

As the day went on I continued to feel more frustrated with myself. I felt I had missed a window of opportunity. 

The Black Ball

Later in the day, everyone was sat chatting and I noticed a black juggling ball on the floor, I picked it up and began playing with it. I subconsciously fiddled with it, moved it around, and threw it up and down. It was an outlet for my energy while I was thinking about the reason why I didn’t step into the circle. 

The final connection game was called hot seat. We sat in a chair and opted for mild, medium, or spicy questions to be thrown at us. Everyone who sat in the hot seat wanted spicy questions. They wanted to get the most difficult questions. 

When it was my turn I still had the black ball in my hand. I sat in the hot seat and subconsciously carried on playing with the ball.

My mind was racing and my heart was thumping. I was ready for my spicy question.

I’d expressed to someone earlier that I was frustrated I hadn’t stepped in the circle. They jumped straight in to ask the spicy question and asked me what I didn’t step in for during the circle game?

My heart was beating, I was sweating and the was ball in my hand moving around while I was gathering my thoughts. I took a breath, gathered courage, and spoke about the thing I did when I was young. 

As I let go of my shame, the ball launched itself out of my hands. I didn’t throw it. There was an energetic pull and the ball landed on the floor.

When I left the event, I felt lighter. I felt a weight had been lifted from me and I decided that I wanted my friend to come up to my home to facilitate the connection games again. 

I had the event at my house and called it the Spiritual Hustle. We started to play the circle game. I felt resistance again. A couple of people from the previous event had come along, but it was mainly different people and I felt anxious.

Something came over me. I didn’t want to wait for someone else to say what I knew I needed to. I found the courage and I stepped into the circle. I said it. Then three other guys stepped in who had been through the same thing. At that moment I felt I stepped into a whole new level of leadership.

Get Your Power Back

It was the turning point to write my book. The Black Ball: Does Anybody Else Have A Secret? is the story of my spiritual awakening and it shares stories from other people who had black balls, how they were able to release them, and how they let go of their shame, embarrassment, and guilt. 

There are different reasons why you can get stuck with your black ball. If you don’t understand how to release it you can’t do anything about it, but when you start to get your power back through expression, it can have such a huge impact on your life. 

It played such a monumental role in me coming back home to myself. At the moment you admit the truth, you come back to who you really are because you’re not playing a character. You gain power back from that and it’s hugely transformational. 

The most difficult person for me to tell my black ball to was my dad. There was a reason for that; I’d had conversations with my dad when I was young and I felt that if he knew my black ball, he would think about me differently.

I had created a story in my head for over thirty years.

When my dad read my book he said “Is that it?” I laughed at myself and it dawned on me how a story I’d created held me back for such a long time.

I don’t have a problem talking about it at all now. There’s power in that level of transformation and ownership of self. You must be true to yourself because you’ve been through experiences you don’t really want to talk about.

What’s Your Black Ball?

How would you feel if you started to open up about your black ball to other people, what transformation could it cause for you and to others? 

The way to get your confidence back, move forward in your business, to own your life, and be in flow is to make sure you’re always living at your highest level of integrity. Put right the things you do wrong because if you allow things to fester, it creates black balls of heaviness. 

Sharing your black ball could save someone from taking their life.

What if your story became your power? What if your pain became the very thing that could lift someone out of their hell? It will mean you finding courage and difficult conversations. It will also transform your life. 

Everyone has black balls of things from the past. They locked in and they get trapped in your body. When you feel out of alignment you create a black ball. 

The moment you find courage, speak up and you hold boundaries you feel lighter. You help other people too because you’re supporting them in their growth, but you can only do that if you find courage yourself to break through to your next level. 

Success in Business Comes From Digging Deep

If you want the next level of success in your business, understand that it doesn’t just come not just from a strategy, it comes from you going to a deeper level of what you shied away from because it’s uncomfortable.

Once you access your true authentic power and feel courage, you can access the part of you that can speak about anything and get into discussions about difficult topics, it creates this energy and momentum that you can’t imagine.

The black ball work has become my most important work in terms of helping people to heal. It’s a process I use within the programs I run for entrepreneurs and CEOs. If you want to dig deep to release your black ball and transform your life head to Simonlovell.com/unshakeable

You can also get a free copy of my book on my website Simonlovell.com/blackball or it’s available on Amazon

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