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Are Childhood Family Fights About Money Sabotaging You?

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Hosted by
Simon Lovell

Featured on Forbes.com and Entrepreneur, Simon Lovell coaches and mentors top CEOS, entrepreneurs, and leaders on emotional intelligence, fulfillment, and happiness so they can reach the next level of impact. He is author of The Black Ball: Does Anybody Else Have A Secret & the host of Unshakeable Leaders Podcast.

His loving but NO BS approach and super strong accountability in his signature 6-week program The Super High-Performance Formula has been called 'profound' and 'life-changing'.

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It’s worth taking a look at your emotional connections to money especially if the thought of it causes you stress. Finances can cause you to have negative feelings, create fights in your relationship or it can make you feel emotional.

Money is the driving force behind many entrepreneurs and their businesses but it can also trigger people and cause problems. 

It can be a very emotionally charged topic. It can be a big drive in your success because you don’t ever want to experience situations again and it can make you want to be the catalyst for financial change. 

I wanted to be in a financially strong position and I’ve worked hard to achieve that. From a young age, I was determined to be successful, make money, and change my life and other people’s.

When I was young I remember hearing a lot of fights between my parents, and I was often the cause of them. I was a pestering child and I wanted everything.

At the beginning of my entrepreneurial journey, those memories would trigger me; they were the driving force to keep me going so I could have whatever I wanted.  

Your Emotions Drive You

Your triggers are really important because they signal to you the things you need to look at, to heal, and deal with, but they can also be a signal of something completely different.

When you feel an emotional trigger, it’s not always something you need to solve; the emotions you have around money can activate feelings of your deepest why.

The strong emotions you experience when you’re having conversations about money are because they trigger something within you that reminds you of why you’re doing what you’re doing. 

That’s important because it brings you back to your center. When there’s so much drive for fame, for money and power, your best reminders come from the moments when you hear or see something and it strikes you so strongly you feel it in your core. That emotional feeling that catches you is your why reminding you.  

Nothing that needs to change or shift within you. It’s a powerful and healthy reminder of why you’re working so hard.

What’s Your Driving Force?

There are different types of drive in business. If the drive you have is to prove people wrong or to make a point and you’re driven by underlying unhealthy energy, you’ll feel drained very quickly. You can become successful that way, but it’s not energetically sustainable. 

Wanting abundance for positive reasons is a healthy way to drive your business forward.  

Helping other people is a great way to boost your emotional energy. When you are driven to help and give back to other people it feels more rewarding than hoarding all your money for yourself. 

What is driving you in your business? It may be several things, but what’s your underlying drive and the reason why you got into the industry you’re in now? 

If you don’t know what your why is and money is your only drive and there’s not a deeper why behind it, you will begin to struggle. You’ll feel confused about why you’re stuck and not in momentum. 

It’s important to become emotionally and energetically intelligent because the next time you get emotional around something, there may not be anything wrong you need to fix. 

There will be times you do need to heal, but there will also be times when you’re struck by emotion because your soul is speaking to you, and you’re reconnecting to your deepest why. 

Sometimes you lose connection with all the good you’ve done, and the results you’ve achieved. Re-sparking that fire can simply come from identifying that emotion.

Nothing needs to change within you; your deep emotions are your fuel and your reminder of your why.

Talk About Money

Fights and money are emotionally charged topics that bring up negative feelings you don’t want to experience again. 

The reality is that money does cause a lot of stress and arguments. It does cause breakups. When you’re in an intimate relationship it can be very de-masculizing and demoralizing to hear certain things about money.

Communication is really important, especially if you have a wired in a set of beliefs. Come together, talk about money and have discussions about what’s happened with your family dynamic as you were growing up and how it might trigger you. 

If you have stress in your family dynamic about money, start talking about it; these conversations can be uncomfortable so ensure you’re calm and have a dialogue that’s a healthy discussion.

One of the things that will destroy your relationship is not having the ability to communicate calmly. 

We all go through financial challenges and have ups and downs. Especially during this time a lot of people are in very difficult situations. A lot of people have debt and there’s huge pressure on CEOs, entrepreneurs, and business owners. 

Pressure can be subconsciously triggered by childhood memories and untangling that can be a challenge. Sometimes it’s good to get some help around it. If a theme keeps recurring it can be hard to know how to go about unraveling it. If you are in a place of financial survival, it’s important to understand how to come out of that mindset.

That’s why I’m very passionate about helping people to remove money blocks.

If you come from a family dynamic of fighting about money, it will affect your association with it. Hearing people shout about money can shut your body down, especially if you’re a child. You subconsciously link money with fighting, stress, and pain, and it becomes a problem. 

Have you got any mental associations to money that come from what you observed, as a child in your family dynamic? 

Sometimes it’s healthy to have conversations around that because it’s something that was avoided. Bring up the conversation about fights, money, and the relationship with money. It’s not typical to have these kinds of conversations, but it’s important because as you start to express, you start to let out feelings you’ve been suppressing within you. 

Moving forward, you can start to have healthier, more compassionate conversations with people around you. If you get into difficult situations and money is an issue you’ll find it easier to have open dialogues about it. 

Love Is The Answer

If you’re an entrepreneur or you’re supporting an entrepreneur it’s really important to know that taking something from nothing and growing a business requires energy.  When stress is pulling you down, you cannot create or build. 

Love is the ultimate fuel for success. 

When you don’t have love for yourself because everything in your business feels stressful, and someone comes to you, offers you love and you really feel it, it makes a difference. It can light you up like a rocket.

You may be down on your knees in tears because you ‘re out of energy and can’t see a way out. Feeling love from another person can be enough for you to pull yourself back up and get yourself out there again. Love reignites the fire in your soul and reminds you of your mission. 

When you’re down, sad, and emotionally drained, you cannot drive your business because you don’t have the energy. You can’t produce, execute, grow, and develop from that exhaustion.

It’s important to understand the power of love when it comes to success and the potency of love when it comes to growth.

When you’re told you’re believed in, you should do what you need to do and asked how you can be helped, you know those words come from kindness and a place of love. When someone wants to lift your spirits they are helping you build your empire. 

If your deepest why is because you want your family to be safe, you want your family to thrive, I think that’s healthy.

When you are doing well in your business you can go to that place of love within you and you can give back to the people that showed you love. 

Love is the injection that is mostly ignored when it comes to success. When you’re in those moments of arguing remember to find love within, and you will change everything.

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