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It’s really common to feel lonely and it can be really lonely being an entrepreneur. You want more friends and to be more connected.
When I was bullied as a kid it was a tough time for me and I noticed friendships with men were difficult for me. I was bullied by boys – so those friendships didn’t come naturally or feel safe to me and guys don’t find it as easy to reach out to guys as much.
My friendship and loneliness journey for me over the years has been tough. I’ve got friends, but deep down within me there is still resistance. When things happen now, I’m aware of them. Things still grab me and take me down, but I get up faster.
If you struggle with friendships, and you find yourself lonely there are some actionable tools you can use to help you.
You can feel like people don’t like you or you wonder why people don’t reach out or get back to you. That can cause you to stop reaching out because you’re waiting for people to reach out to you.
You’re waiting for someone to ask if you want to go for a coffee or to an event. You see what other people are doing on social media and wonder why you weren’t invited.
That can trigger negative emotions; if you’re not self-aware enough to catch them you can downward spiral into a depression.
Negative feelings can lead to unhealthy soothing with drugs or alcohol. I go to meditation now to bring myself out of those times.
Accept All Opportunities
When you’re an entrepreneur, you’ve got a lot of work and you’re feeling tired it can be too easy to lock yourself in and not go out or socialize. It may be timing or your emotional state that stops you from wanting to leave your computer.
Making excuses will keep you locked in your situation.
I’ve started to start to say yes to everything I’m invited to; if you refuse an invitation once, people assume you’re not interested. You never know what one invitation will lead to.
When you accept all invitations it means you’re opening yourself up to new opportunities and people.
I’m naturally an introvert. I used to find it difficult to have eye contact with people and that would create anxiety for me. My phone would be the perfect distraction to look at instead of connecting with all the people around me.
I would go to the food table at events to avoid speaking to people instead of taking the opportunity of being around people who were the life and soul of the party. They are great people to be around because they introduce new people to you.
It’s easy to become disconnected, but it is also easy to reconnect.
I met a friend the other day. He liked my Facebook post and it reminded me of him. I sent him a text message to catch up and two days later, we met for lunch and reconnected.
Yesterday I received a text message from him with an invitation to attend another event. From that one trigger I felt and took action on, I now have another opportunity to meet new people.
Triggers are all around you. Use your trigger opportunities as your reminder to reach out.
You know you feel lonely at times, so reach out and connect because other people feel isolated too.
What’s Your Behavior?
Everyone has habitual behaviors of connection. You need to be hyper-aware of the beliefs you have in place. What story do you have around friendships and loneliness? When it comes to loneliness, your routine is really important. What do you plan, what’s on your calendar?
Identify what your go-to is when you feel lonely. What is the thing that you immediately do when you feel isolated, what do you do next?
If you feel lonely and then go to food, what can you swap that with? I find the courage within me to message someone I’ve not connected with for a while. Instead of waiting for the invitation, I create an environment for myself.
Initiate as many opportunities as possible.
Be the instigator of deep connection. There’s so much more depth to people than they present on social media. If you don’t have in-depth conversations you can’t get to know anyone, but you can’t have that depth of connection unless you’re authentic too.
When you’re courageous you open yourself up to the most magical moments. The thing you’re scared to do is often the one that brings your greatest rewards.
For the entrepreneur, the business owner, and CEO, the pull of the computer is strong because it makes you feel safe. It’s an easy distraction to avoid the lonely feelings you want to suppress.
You need to peel yourself away to find yourself again, to be silly, and have fun.
During my meditation this morning I thought about my three fondest moments from my past. My memories evoked playful feelings of excitement and joy. Those moments come with the friendships you develop.
What small step can you take for yourself so you feel less lonely, have more friends, and feel happier?
What does your soul need more of today?
Despite your thoughts and your current way of being, you can create opportunities. You can reach out to other people, you can create a local group and create a network of people that look to you. Many people are feeling as lonely as you, who can you reach out to today?
To listen to me fully open my heart with my struggles with loneliness on iTunes click here.
If you’d like to connect with me, my 6 week 1-1 program is extremely powerful or you can check out The Super High-Performance Formula which is a home study and group program designed for business owners.
Also, check out my Unshakeable Leaders Podcast for weekly meditations and shows to help you to grow.
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