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Top 10 Reasons CEOs Struggle To Ask For Help About Personal Struggle

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Simon Lovell

Featured on Forbes.com and Entrepreneur, Simon Lovell coaches and mentors top CEOS, entrepreneurs, and leaders on emotional intelligence, fulfillment, and happiness so they can reach the next level of impact. He is author of The Black Ball: Does Anybody Else Have A Secret & the host of Unshakeable Leaders Podcast.

His loving but NO BS approach and super strong accountability in his signature 6-week program The Super High-Performance Formula has been called 'profound' and 'life-changing'.

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Were you the kid at school that put your hand up when you had a question? Or were you the shy one that kept quiet and you failed to speak up?

If you asked my teachers what I was like prior being bullied they would have said they couldn’t shut me up, I was full of energy, enthusiasm and I was always asking questions!

You may be running your business very successfully, but when it comes to asking for help with deep, personal issues you might feel there’s no way you can ask for help. 

Not asking for help will have an impact on many things for you personally and professionally. Once you’re aware of issues holding back your growth, you can resolve them and move forward. 

Issues Have An Impact

You can hide your needs, but they will sit within you, bubbling away stopping you from living the quality of life you deserve.

At some point they will resurface.

If you don’t release them and ask for the help you need, events and situations will continue to repeat themselves. 

When you ask for help and allow yourself to become vulnerable, you start to untangle internal knots – they stop you from moving forward and can manifest into anger, lack of confidence, and anxiety. 

The sooner you ask for help and speak up, the faster you move forward. 

Shame And Embarrassment 

If you desire to ask for help, but you have shame and embarrassment, you’re going to deny yourself the opportunity of growth, and if you don’t find the courage to speak up you won’t bring yourself into alignment with who you truly are.

Allowing yourself to be authentic requires vulnerability and courage.

That may feel uncomfortable to you, but avoiding feelings keeps you feeling trapped and numb. 

Achieving a breakthrough means you have to step up, feel uncomfortable, and ask for help. 

Going Solo

You might be someone who tries to figure everything out on your own but that tightness creates friction and unease. 

If you have the mindset of figuring everything out yourself, you need to ask yourself honestly how long you have been feeling the way you have?

What has been the cost to your health and finances?

It might be hundreds of thousands of dollars. I know if I’d not held my hand up to get the support I needed, I would never have taken my company to make the millions that it did.

My ability to continue to ask for help defines me and plays a huge role in how I move forward and evolve throughout my life.

The Illusion Of Feeling Good

Understanding the illusion of feeling good is important because once you’re aware of it, you can notice when you’re distracting yourself.  

You can sit with a problem that needs to be solved for a long time. During those times there will be moments of happiness that mask how you feel.

That’s a dangerous place because living in the illusion of happiness and using avoidance strategies to distract yourself, instead of feeling it and asking for help masks over the issue.

Issues come up again unless they are dealt with at an emotional, spiritual, and energetic level. 

Healing, coaching, and awareness help you untangle the beliefs that cause things to fester in your subconscious, but it’s a double-edged sword. You know you need help, but when you’re in the illusion of happiness you don’t think you need assistance.

You Feel Frozen 

Feelings of fear can become frozen in time – you want to receive help to get an answer to your problems, but you become stuck in fear. 

Past trauma and subconscious feelings can lock you physically so you are unable to do anything.

You won’t raise your hand because something subconscious from your past stops you, but when you don’t have any negative associations you can express yourself. You move in any direction you want without any subconscious feelings holding you back.  

You Need To Feel Safe

You don’t ask for help because you don’t feel it’s safe to do so. You create the reality that if you ask for help, someone will perceive you in a certain way, they may take advantage of you or they will manipulate you. 

If something has happened before it’s natural to pull references from the past and bring them to the present moment. 

It stops you from evolving and halts your ability to grow.

It hinders your relationships, your ability to make more money, and your ability to have a deep level of connection in your business and leadership.

It halts every aspect of you becoming an unshakable leader. 

Help

What does asking for help mean to you?  A lot of people put up boundaries against asking for help. If you struggle with it it’s important to ask yourself why?

What Association have you linked to help? Is it about speaking up, is it about control or is it linked to fear? 

Think about the energy behind it. If you spoke up in the past, but you were shut you down, that can physically affect you asking for and receiving help.

You may have an energy blockage in your throat – your words won’t come out, you freeze, and your throat feels so dry you cannot speak. 

Be aware of how your throat feels; think about the times you’ve had a cough or when you’ve felt a tightness. A feeling in your throat can be linked to what’s happening at the moment you need to speak up.

You Don’t Want To Be A Bother

Perhaps you don’t want to be a bother, a hindrance, or a burden on other people? You’re used to putting other people first and you’re used to playing small instead of asking for help. 

Value yourself. 

You don’t move forward, invest in, or take yourself to your next level because you don’t feel worthy enough, but you don’t need to ask anybody’s permission.

This is your life and you make the decisions. What do you want and what is important to you right now? It’s up to you to come to your own decision to take action.

Classroom Syndrome

What was the pattern for you at school? When you were a child did you ask for help and put your hand up?

Sit with yourself and try to understand what held you back and why? 

You may have been shut down, told you were stupid or other kids laughed at you and you’re still living in fear of ridicule?

It’s time to take your power back. 

Courage Instead Of Fear

The reason you might not ask for help is that you’re locked in fear. 

You’re going to need to take the window of opportunity if you struggle to reach out and implement things to help you move forward. 

Courage usually arrives when you’re feeling good – that’s when the window of opportunity to reach out usually strikes, but you may not think you need to deal with your issues when you’re in the illusion of happiness. 

The time to ask for help doesn’t have to be when you are up against the wall or in fear, you just need to be courageous. 

Temporary happiness will put a temporary bandaid on your issues. Be aware and take the courage even when you’re fearful. Taking the leap and asking for help at this time is the most courageous thing you can do for yourself.  

Window Of Opportunity

When you feel inspired, use your window of opportunity to be courageous and get the help you need. Taking that one action will have a long term impact on you. 

Resolving issues that have always been there will help you shift into your new level of performance, personal fulfillment, and happiness.

What will your life be like if your situation continues for another month, year, or five years? How is that going to pull you down and affect your family, and the people around you?

There may be tears and sadness, but when you’re authentic you open up to let change happen. What would you do if you had no fear? What action would you take? 

The opposite of fear is love so if you want to have the life that you want you’re going to need to love yourself. Loving yourself means you face yourself and your fears to appreciate yourself even more on the other side.

Focus on how it’s going to feel when you’re through the pain when you’ve resolved your issues and how you are going to feel when you’re more connected to yourself, and you feel like yourself again. Think about how the positive impact it’s going to have on your business. 

If you commit to change, you’ll make the change and when you truly make that commitment, things will start to shift. 

What is your relationship to commitment right now? Do you not follow through? Have a reality check and think about the area you need to focus on right now and be persistent.

Live in your vulnerability and your authenticity. Hold your hands up and ask for help. 

Value yourself enough to reach out to somebody knowing that when you do get that help you will be in a position to help other people. That is leadership. That is the mark of an unshakable leader. 

If you’re committed to going deeper, to become happier and fulfilled head to Simon lovell.com to find out more.

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