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Are You Emotionally Attached To A Situation That’s Not Serving You?

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Simon Lovell

Featured on Forbes.com and Entrepreneur, Simon Lovell coaches and mentors top CEOS, entrepreneurs, and leaders on emotional intelligence, fulfillment, and happiness so they can reach the next level of impact. He is author of The Black Ball: Does Anybody Else Have A Secret & the host of Unshakeable Leaders Podcast.

His loving but NO BS approach and super strong accountability in his signature 6-week program The Super High-Performance Formula has been called 'profound' and 'life-changing'.

You can’t put it off, you have to have difficult conversations – if you don’t you’ll continue to live a life that’s not aligned with who you are. 

The emotional attachment you have with the outcome of conversations you want to have can stop you from moving forward and reaching your dreams.

When you create stories about what’s on the other side of a conversation you put off the challenging conversations you need to have. Your body can shut down and you feel anxious, but to be able to move forward you just have to know how to reframe the situation.

What are the things that you’re doing or not doing in your life because you’re afraid of the conversation and the emotion that’s going to come up from the other person? 

People-Pleasing

If you’re a people-pleaser it’s common for you not to want to feel the emotion of a reaction. You continue to say yes when you want to say no – you want to leave a situation but you’re afraid of the conversation because you don’t want to let people down or you think things will be bad for the person you’re moving on from.

The problem is by people-pleasing and avoiding the conversations you need to have you’re stopping yourself from living the life you desire. 

Your body will start to remind you that what you’re doing is not in alignment with what you want. The universal slap – anxiety, depression, sadness, and worry will keep hitting you until you face up to things. 

Look Within

The child within you can get stuck in the fear of the conversation and not wanting to deal with it emotionally. Recognize the part of you not wanting to be honest, speak your truth, or continuing to self-sabotage.

Once you see that, the adult within you needs to step up and have the power to stand within the situation, feel the emotion, and understand that a conversation is just energy in motion.

When you speak your truth, you’re opening yourself up to a high wave of emotion to come back at you. It may not even crash, it may gently come back to you and you might be pleasantly surprised.

Close your eyes and go through a scenario in your head – feel your emotions and allow the other person to get upset with you and let your feelings wash over you. The chances are your expectations will outweigh the situation. 

Own Your Life

Identify the reality of the situation versus what you’re thinking. You may have created a story around how it’s going to play out, but what if the opposite is true? What if you have the conversation, you step into your power, and you’re confident about doing it? What if the outcome for them is far better than what you’re fearing?

Your mind is so good at convincing you that the path you’re thinking is what’s going to happen, but the majority of the time when you have the conversation and you step into our truth and own it is that you find the reaction is very different from what you anticipated. 

The time you spend putting off conversations pushes your happiness and peace further away into the future. Your success, growth, and happiness come from the difficult conversations you’re fearful of. Own your life because you’re willing to make decisions. Even if they’re scary. 

You have a dream, there’s something you desire, a path you know you need to go down, but a part of you scared and the little inner child within you is afraid to speak up. 

You need to get into a powerful state, own it, and don’t put it off. 

Now would be a good time to have that conversation. If you wait for the perfect time, you’ll sabotage it so you avoid the conversation.

Start to empower yourself with difficult conversations coming from the confident adult within you instead of your scared inner child – you’ll start to become more successful, enabling you to move along your journey at a faster pace. 

Take Back Control

In time you will realize how powerful you are at being able to take back control, killing off the people pleaser version of you that keeps you stuck in a place not based on what your highest self deserves. 

You can still be kind and considerate, but the conversations you need to have will empower you. When you step up and have them, you’re being kind to yourself by taking action for your future wellbeing, empowering yourself, and giving yourself permission to live a life you’re aligned with.

Go and have that difficult conversation. 

You may get stuck for all kinds of funny reasons – recognize when silly stories stop you, and when you know it’s going to be difficult and challenging, embrace your confidence and have that conversation.

On the other side of it, you’re going to be on the path you are destined for because people will sense when you’re in your power, and they’ll start to respect you. 

If you continue to be a people pleaser, you will be walked all over. I don’t want that for you. Become emotionally and energetically intelligent, know you can be present with the conversation, but you don’t need to take on the emotions of someone else. 

When you leave the conversation you’re going to feel empowered – you will take that energy into other situations and the more that you do that, you will inspire other people and you will start to live not just an amazing, but an unbelievable, extraordinary life.

Other people then are going to admire you for a level of leadership because they will see how you’re confidently aligning yourself with who you are. 

If you want to do a deep dive into becoming even more unshakable so that you can reach super high performance, take a look at my brand new training that you can get instant access to by heading to simonlovell.com/unshakable.

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